remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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