and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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