i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
