she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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