Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
