Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
