Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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