it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
