Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
