I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
