Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
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I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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