you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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