he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
