I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
