Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
