the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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