U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
