She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
