Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
