all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The air taste purple.
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