Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
