Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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