so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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