your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
