My liver just broke up with me...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
