I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
