He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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