She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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