Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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