No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
