She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
