I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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