Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
