Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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