then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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