oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
