I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize