i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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