i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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