3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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