I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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