Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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