i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
