yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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