my mouth tastes like poor choices
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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