I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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