Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
