remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i've created a new STD.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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