how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
