My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
