Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it because I queefed?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
