Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
