i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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