Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
