we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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