dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
