so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
two words: eviction party
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
