I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
