He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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