I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
don't judge my taste in strippers
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
