The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's not a walk of shame if you run
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
