Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
