you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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