people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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