I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think my vagina is haunted
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
