i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
