Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
