Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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