if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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