he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
