FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
