this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this boner is exhausting
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
