she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His hands were made for my vagina.
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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